Just a couple things been goin’ round my head as I listen to the vinyl Beatles albums I was gifted with this Christmas. They seem like good things to consider so I’ve enlisted my new friend, Paul McCartney to help illustrate!

When you hate everyone in the world, it means you’re hungry. Eat something.

When you feel like the world hates you, it means you’re tired. Take a nap.

Brush your teeth at least twice a day, and be cute while you do it, but do not use a wire brush.

Take fewer selfies. Really, everyone has seen enough of everyone, particularly all the duck faces.

A better way to get attention: Join a community theater group. You’ll make friends, improve your memory and discover things about yourself.

Take down time. If you don’t pick a day to relax, your body will pick it for you.

Be nice to little kids. Tender feelings are easily hurt.

Drink more milk. It’s tasty, especially the organic stuff, and it’s good for you. I’ve noticed that in pictures of people living in the 50’s and 60’s, when milk was consumed more frequently, no one seemed to be overweight.

Also, if you’re going to drink milk try to look like this while you do it. You’ll look much cooler drinking milk if you’re wearing a guitar:

Do not make Irish people look like this. It will almost never end well for you.

Moderation in all things, including the drink.

But if you are partying, stop before you get here:

If you must get a gun, do it legally, learn how to use it, store it properly and for heaven’s sake don’t point it at people!

Try not to overdo, especially if you’re fair-skinned, but take a little sun each day, to better help strengthen muscles, improve vitamin absorption and boost your immune system.

Air conditioning is good. Without it, use a fan. And when you do, try to put some sass into it, like this:

Don’t go into space. It’s dark out there. Get Richard Avedon to take your picture in a spacesuit and leave it at that.

Try not to smoke. But if you must, try to look like this when you do it:

There you go — that seems to have hit all the important notes. Thank you, Paul, let’s come back and do this again next year!

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